Steve and I
were married on February 29th 2008.
Two years later we were blessed with a beautiful daughter Kezia Mary
born on 30th March 2010.
In July 2011,
I fell pregnant, and had a scare early
on just before we went on holiday, and had to take it easy. After we returned from our holiday we went
for the 12 week scan, we were told that there was something wrong with our
baby, but she wasn’t allowed to tell us what was wrong except it had an
increased nuchal fold and we would need
to see someone to speak about options (ie termination) At this stage we didn’t think we could see
any arms on our baby. The next day a
Friday I spoke to a midwife on the telephone who arranged for us to have a scan
with a consultant on the Monday. She
also told me that it would be better for my baby if it would never be
born. We spent a terrible weekend, I
remember praying that the Lord would just take my baby home to be with him. Confronted
with these facts and thought s and the Devil attacked me that weekend and it
went through my mind to have an abortion as the easy way out, but we knew this
was wrong.
Monday
morning came and we had our appointment with the consultant. With the Lords strength and only his we
managed to march into the room and the first thing we said was we are not
having an abortion. I think she thought we
were mad!! They found nothing additional
wrong with our baby at this scan and it had arms – but most importantly Steve
and I fell in love with our baby, in such a deep way. We were told that our baby would probably
self abort by 20 weeks.
At this same
time a lady at our church was told that her baby would be very deformed and
would be very badly disabled, the day before she was booked in to have an
abortion I was able to speak with her and she didn’t go ahead with it. Today this precious baby girl is alive and
well with no problems.
20 weeks came and we found out it was a boy
and he was still alive. They then told
us that our baby would probably not survive to 40 weeks and if he did, not through
birth.
After a very
worrying pregnancy, on the 31at March 2010, a day after our daughter Kezia turned 2, our precious son Daniel John was
born, but he wasn’t crying. I was
allowed to hold him for a few seconds, then he was taken away and transferred overnight
to a specialised hospital. After many
tests the fantastic doctors found out he had a heart problem called Cardiomyopathy,
which they treated with medication and at 10 days old we were able bring Daniel
home with us. We were told that he would
either grow out of the problem or he would suddenly with no warning pass
away.
At 6 weeks
and 6 days Daniel went to be with our Lord and Saviour. At the same time, Steve had problems at work,
my Grandfather became very seriously ill, and my mother became ill, as well as
financial problems. It really felt like
the Lord had abandoned us as the world would see it.
When Daniel
passed away it was a very traumatic, sudden and sad thing, our lives were
shattered. But I felt a peace that only
the Lord can give and really felt the Lord with us and he truly gave us grace
to get through each second minute and hour.
I trusted in the fact that our precious son was truly saved by grace and
was with the Lord Jesus.
After a
period of trusting and leaning on God, there became a period of doubting, and
the devil crept in and would temp me with what if Daniel wasn’t in heaven. One day when we were on holiday we were
looking up at the stars and I just prayed Lord if Daniel is in heaven could you
please just send a shooting star, well I’m sure you can guess what happened!!!
A star shot across the sky.
Soon after
this I became very, bitter, angry, sad, and was filled with such hatred, and
was just coming to chapel for the sake of it, putting on a brave face and
reading my bible but not taking anything in.
I felt useless and redundant.
Then one Sunday Micahel Grey preached on Collosians 3 v 23-25 ‘And whatsoever
ye do, do it heartily as to the Lord and not unto men’. The gist of it was that the Lord has placed
you where you are for a reason, and even if we are doing the most menial job it
is for the Lord and we should do it heartily unto the Lord. It helped show me that there was so much I
could do for my Lord and Saviour and he had not abandoned me.
At this time
I still had horrible and bitter thought running through my head. I was out for a walk with Kezia and I saw a
couple come out of their house, one was holding a small baby, and I thought ‘O
how cute , o good I can cope with that’ and gave myself a pat on the back, then
I looked at the mother and she had a new born in her arms , and I was filled
with such hatred. The Lord almost stuck
me and I realised that I was trying to cope with my grief on my own, and I was
not praying for his help to get me through, and I was thought I could cope on
my own. The following Sunday Mr Morlan
(our pastor) preached on 2 Corinthinans 10 v5 ‘Casting down imaginations and
every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and
bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ’. God’s timing was amazing, how I needed to
hear this sermon at that particular time, on how we should give all our
thoughts to the Lord, we truly are wretched men without our Lord and Saviour.
It will be a
year tomorrow since our precious son Daniel passed away. It is still very hard to cope with, and we
have many bad days, we may never know till we get to glory why things
happen. But the Lord is teaching me many
many things, to trust wholly in our Saviour, that he is a sovereign and
gracious God, and his will is perfect. Also that we should live our lives in
the view of eternity, because why should we wish our Daniel back from our
Saviour, and I’m sure one glimpse of our Lord Jesus’s face will be worth all of
the trials on this earth. We are so
thankful for the precious time we had with Daniel and for the Lord for letting
us look after him for those few weeks. A
neighbour of ours who lost a baby many years ago who is also a Christian said
to me, you will one day Thank the Lord for allowing this to happen. I thought that she was mad at the time, but I
can now see what she means. Steve and I
pray that Daniels little life will be used mightily of the Lord.
To God be
the glory great thing he has done.
No comments:
Post a Comment